Man to Man Sex

The only way to reduce HIV transmission or other sexually transmitted infections is to use a barrier- most commonly a condom.

If you are having anal sex, it's important that you use a regular condom which fits your penis and plenty of water based lubricant. Recent studies have shown that extra strong condoms are not needed for anal sex providing you use them properly, but condoms such as flavoured and other novelty condoms are not to be used for anal sex.

If you are not having anal sex, still be aware of any sores or cuts you have which may be exposed to your partner's semen. For example, if you are going to have oral sex, make sure you don't brush your teeth as this can give you small cuts in your gums: chew gum or use mouthwash instead.

Refer to the Sexual Transmitted Infections page of this website to find out about STI's their symptoms and how to reduce the risks

Different forms of sex and risks:

Touching and kissing

Touching and kissing are just what they say they are: responding to each other and exploring each other's bodies.

Risk: Touching and kissing are safe, although there is a possibility of HIV transmission and other STI's if you have open sores and cuts.

Mutal masterbation

Mutual masturbation is masturbating your partner and having him masturbate you: this can be part of foreplay or you can continue to orgasm.

Risk: Mutual masturbation is safe as long no semen gets into any cuts or sores.

Oral sex

Oral sex is using your mouth to stimulate your partner's penis by licking and sucking. The full name for this is fellatio.

Risks: Oral sex is safe if you don't get semen or pre-cum in your mouth. There is a risk of HIV transmission, particularly if you have cuts or ulcers

In your mouth or a sore throat. Some men choose to wear a condom during oral sex - flavoured condoms are available for oral sex.

Anal sex

A third of gay men choose never to have anal sex. A further third wait until they are in a long-term relationship. There's nothing wrong with wanting to wait for the right person for you to come along: there's nothing wrong, in not wanting to have anal sex full stop. You have the right to choose what you enjoy sexually and should not feel you have to commit to anything you do not want to do.

Anal sex is inserting your penis into your partner's anus and vice versa. This will stimulate the prostate of the person receiving anal sex. To have anal sex, you will need to use a water-based lubricant. Find out about condoms and lubricants on this website.

Massage a little lube into the anus, to help relax the sphincter. The penis should enter the anus slowly. Allowing the muscle to relax: if either partner is in pain, you should stop immediately - you can always retry later, when you may be more relaxed.

If it's your first time, go slowly. The sex involving anal sex is often referred to as fucking.

Risk: Anal sex carries a high risk of HIV transmission. If you have anal sex you should wear a condom to greatly reduce the risk of transmission of HIV and other sexually transmitted infections. Use plenty of water-based lubricant and don't use an oil-based lubricant like Vaseline with latex condoms (nearly all condoms are made of latex, except specialist latex free condoms e.g. Avanti condoms), as the condom will break up. This also applies to oral sex - for example, if you have Vaseline on your lips and give oral sex to a partner with a condom on, the condom may break up. More information about lubricants is on the Lube section of this website.

Fingering

Fingering is either using your fingers to stimulate the outside of the anus or penetrating your partner's anus with your fingers to stimulate the prostate. This will be easiest with lubricant.

Risks: Fingering is safe, although if it's forceful or your nails are sharp you could tear the skin inside or outside of the anus, which would make HIV transmission easier during anal sex. If you prefer, use a latex glove.

Fisting

Fisting is along the same lines as fingering, except you insert all your fingers, your hand, and possibly some of your arm into your partner's anus. You'll need to use lots of lube, and you may find that actually placing your fingers into a fist isn't the easiest way to fist your partner.

Risks: Fisting is as safe as fingering in terms of STI's. However it's so invasive, it's more likely you will damage the anus. Wear a latex glove and use lots of water-based lube. Go very slowly and carefully. Fisting requires a great deal of gentleness, care and patience.

Rimming

Rimming is using your tongue to stimulate your partner's anus.

Risks: rimming carries a risk of infection. Although it is unlikely that HIV will be transmitted. Its best to use and oral barrier, such as a dental dam.

Some of these types of sex may seem scary and too full on: or perhaps they seem to tame. Always remember that it's your body, and that you always have the right to say "NO", no matter what you have said before and no matter what you are doing at the time.

Healthy Sex Life

You can have healthy and safe sex by taking control and managing your sex life in a way that fulfils both you and your partner.

A healthy sex life can mean a variety of things. The most important thing is that it's your sex life we are talking about. So that means finding out what makes you comfortable, and what works for you.

It might be that this varies over time and it can depend on many things. Sometimes your sex life is busy and other times it's less of a priority, but either way it can still be a healthy sex life.

It's all about taking control and managing your situation. Hopefully that will produce a result that fulfils both you and your partner's.

What can you do?

Here is a list to help you manage your sex life:

* Get regular check ups
* Keep up-to-date on sexual health matters
* Take action if you notice anything out of the ordinary
* Get any help with sexual problems
* Talk to your partner
* Find out where you're nearest sexual health clinic (GUM) is

Your sex life is going to change as time passes, just as other aspects of your life do. A bit of thought means that your sex life can contribute to the rest of your life rather than detracting from it.

Check ups

If you go to your local GUM (Genitourinary Medicine) clinic (details on this website) you can get a regular free check up for sexually transmitted infections (STI's) you might be able to get this from your local or family doctor (GP) but GUM clinics will protect your confidentiality. Your GP may tell people about your appointment. Tests for HIV are also available.

Having regular check up's means that you'll have a clear picture of your sexual health. So not only will you be able to relax, but you'll be in a better position to talk to your partners.

Keeping up-to-date

It's important to keep up-to-date on sexual matters. After all, things do change: while some issues might be less of a worry now than they were in the past, you should be aware of any new infections and how they may affect your sex life. You can get this information from this website or your nearest GUM clinic.

Take action

If you notice anything unusual about your sexual health, get it checked. Most STI's can be cured with no lasting effect to your health if they are dealt with early enough and if you follow the medication course and instructions.

Man to Man Sex
Find out about different forms of sex and risks.

Healthy Sex Life
Get advice on how to have a healthy sex life, and how to overcome problems.

Oral sex and HIV
Find out the risks associated with oral sex and how to reduce them.

Reducing the risk
What is safer sex and how can you reduce your risk of infection.

Living with HIV
If you or your partner is HIV+ (positive) you can still enjoy safer sex. Find out how.

Other Useful Links

1. Metromate/GMFA/BIG UP
2. Terence Higgins Trust
3. UKBlackOut